October 23, 2008

To Whom it May Interest







I have often felt alone in my struggle to talk to my people about things that truly matter - things I feel would truly strengthen us as a race. People don't have much tolerance for those with a different mindset.

I am a 41 year old, black female graduate of the University of Southern California, with a degree in Social Science, Psychology and Communication.



I was an abused baby, discovered alone in a smoldering house in Compton, California. When a group of nearby children heard me crying, they contacted authorities. For approximately one month, I was placed in the care of the County of Los Angeles as a, “Jane Doe,” until my mother’s identity could be determined.

From what I have been told, (in CA babies adopted prior to 1970 have no access to their own personal information) I was the result of my 17-year-old mother’s rape, which devastated her and eventually led to her drug addiction, prostitution and death at 21 by suicide. I was born one year before abortion became legal in California.

Four years later, after being a ward of the county and living in a foster home, I was adopted by a married, black couple, living in South Central Los Angeles. I had a brand new mother, a brand new father, and a brand new birth certificate. But I was the same terrified and confused little kid. When I was 4 and a half, my father left us, canceling our credit cards and taking our only car in his departure. My mother was unemployed.

My father had been of the popular adage back then; “No woman of mine is going to work!” So my mother had quit her job upon marriage. To say things were rough would be an understatement. But my mother sewed my clothes on a sewing machine and shopped at 2nd hand stores. She cut coupons and pinched pennies. We had a lot of TV dinners, a lot of beans and collard greens, but we celebrated life with a steak dinner once a month. Throughout everything, my mother consistently emphasized continual faith in God, education, motivation, self-respect, and “pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps.” Those were the gifts my mom gave me. Thank God.

Free Tree!  Ghetto Guarantee! Now That's The S...

I fit all the stereotypical and so-called justifiable reasons to be a “victim” of society; black, conceived in violence by a teenage unwed, unfit mother, raised in the ghetto, single parent family, severe poverty. Despite the fact that I fit the victim mold, eligible for a “free pass,” I chose not to be. To this day, I sincerely believe it IS a choice.

I often find myself in arguments with those of my race that continually look for a scapegoat to pin their problems on. I really don't like to argue, but sometimes my mouth opens before I can stop myself. I know the truth of my reality. I know where I started and how far I've come. I believe that a person who chooses to blame others for their lot in life, also forfeit their power to change their destiny. I believe when you teach people to be victims from birth you stifle the inborn survival instincts that can motivate a person to strive to excel.

Paradoxically, I was raised to be a steadfast democrat. I can recall walking around USC, proudly wearing my “Dukakis for President” button. Although my mom consistently taught me personal responsibility, she believed that the Democrats represented the poor; otherwise they had no voice. I understand why the majority of blacks are Democrats.

Politically I am a conservative libertarian. My belief in the importance of maintaining personal liberty, coupled with the conservative values that I believe this country was founded on, shape my perception of the world as well as my actions in my personal life.

I teach my “brilliant” 9 year-old daughter that she can be anything she wants to be, if she has faith in God, her abilities, her potential for success in this country where she is just as good as anyone else, and she is willing to work for it. I wish more black parents would teach this to their children from the beginning of their lives. I wish the so-called black leaders would place more emphasis on education in this day and age, than fighting for the same civil rights that we won 50 years ago. Do I teach my daughter that there may be people that don’t like her because of her ethnicity? Absolutely. I also teach her that there may be people that dislike her because she is beautiful and smart and/or a host of other reasons, imagined or not. But I also teach her that just because someone else says something, doesn’t make it true, and she has to use her own ability to wisely choose whether or not she accepts what someone else says as the truth. I teach her to be wary of people that are constantly espousing negativity. Often they are trying to belittle others because they are insecure about their own lack of skills or inability to achieve. I teach her to have respect for education and to take it seriuosly because it is our way of changing our circumstances. It is what gives us freedom to achieve our dreams. It is the way Mommy went from being “Jane Doe” to being, “SOMEBODY.”

Is there racism? I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is and always will be to a certain extent. More importantly, does that hold us back anymore? Not one bit if we don’t allow it. For me, racism has been equivalent to an annoying fly that flies into your house occasionally. The situation is quickly handled with Raid or a fly swatter. Do I lose a nights sleep or a days work over it? Never. That would be giving away my power to change my circumstances. Equally, not making my own efforts to have the best life with the opportunities currently available and obtainable, would be giving power to the minority of those that would still attempt to hold me back. They mean nothing to me. Too many people have suffered and died for me to be able to have the freedom to go out and carve a good life for my daughter and I. We as a people are no longer slaves, we are not under Jim Crow, we are not carrying picket signs, begging to be recognized as human beings. We count. We done overcame! Now it is up to us as individuals. People confuse having rights with having a perfect life or having everything handed to you, which has never been guaranteed to ANYONE.  I know life is not perfect for all of us.

Have faith in God, have faith in the power of your own abilities, and choose not to listen to all the people who will tell you you can't. Go out, work hard and make your dream a reality.
It's in reach.

6 comments:

  1. There are not many people in this world that one is honored to call a FRIEND,
    who is so kind, loving, generous, and thoughtful as this EXTRAORDINARY woman.

    She truly is a GIFT from God and His Creation is so much richer because of her.

    It is truly an honor and a blessing to walk beside her through this adventure we all know as LIFE.

    Your fan always,

    Garfield

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  2. What a compelling story!!! Your voice is very necessary in black america. You are right you had every reason to adopt the victim mentality and I applaud you for realizing that it's an unnessesary burden to bear. Thanks for sharing your story and I look forward to reading your posts. I've added you to my blogroll and I'm sure other bloggers will follow suit because black americans who think critically and independently are hungry to hear from others who are like-minded.

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  3. Thanks for this post and for following my blog. Your story is compelling, and a tribute to good parents, and your ability to grow into your own. - Kevin

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  4. Thank you for sharing a part of your amazing narrative, may God continue to bless and keep you and your family.

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  5. Thank you for sharing a part of your amazing narrative, may God continue to bless and keep you and your family.

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  6. You have an amazing story and gave me a little kick in the behind for feeling sorry for myself this evening for silly reasons.
    I was "raised" a democrat for the same reason (protecting the poor and those who need help) but I consider myself more of a libertarian, someone who wants to be free to make my own choices. God Bless!

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